How to keep believing in yourself

Kate Kendall

Simon Pemberton

I stood there catching my breath. A gush of thoughts were racing in my mind. “You don’t even believe in me,” I sighed to my best friend. “No one does.”

It’s funny how as soon as the words left my mouth, it dawned on me. A metaphorical mirror – a projection of my own reality. I’d hit a wall. Exhausted physically and emotionally from working 100-hour weeks, it was now as clear as day: I had lost my way in believing in me.

This wasn’t about others, it was about my own relationship with myself.

Usually fueled by a quiet confidence, I’d become worn down. Paralysed from making decisions as big as the best way to issue company stock right down to the minutiae of which Instagram filter to use. I was plagued with self doubt. Which was the best way forward? What are all the possible outcomes? Are things…

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I Wonder

Into the darkness of the night I wonder,

What is it that makes me surrender

To the burden of the immense task I have taken under

I’m still young at heart, and at age.

But something in me feels mature…

Is it the desire to succeed, to make things happen, to change the world?

Or is it just that I need to take a break?

 

Into the darkness of the night I wonder…

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Bright moonlight is dawning upon the night of 13th February, and shimmering in it are little droplets of rain – looking like pearls. The roads are lonely. Office goers have reached their homes; spending lovely time in company of their beloveds. Valentines’ couples who celebrated the day hiding behind the bushes, have now gone back to their special hotel rooms. College students who were out in the evening, roaming about the streets and “checking out” the couples, are now back in their dorm rooms, cursing their miserable lonely lives.

I decided to enjoy the weather and the occasion by climbing up the rooftop and looking about the beautiful night (I am writing this sitting on the rooftop. And yes, the rain has stopped.) The weather is way too pleasant, and the scenery too beautiful. The dazzling reflection of lampposts coming off the wet roads only adds to the beauty. Ah! It all seems like Paris to me.

Somewhere down the main road is a little shop that’s open. And people in it seem to be working hard. Very hard. There’s a complete team of dedicated people – three women, two children, one man, and one perhaps – someone in between, I can’t call on it’s gender from this far (no offence, please). They are all gearing up to make You feel good – that’s their business; they cash in on your happiness. It’s a small roadside flower shop. And tomorrow is their most profitable day.

Roses, Lillie, Tulips. Red, Violet, Yellow. All stacked up. Ready to be clubbed together in beautiful wrapping papers, sprayed upon by decorative frills, and stamped upon by love letters. Wow!

It seems all so pretty from up here.

“Well, it’s a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I’m trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the nights magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush”

A Very Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your beloved.  🙂

Am I on Drugs?

Of late many people have been asking me, “Are you drugs?”
Ah! Well, I wish I was! 😉

No, I am not on drugs! But I am still high. I am high on happiness.

Since the time I started doing the things I love, started saying NO to people I don’t like, and started living in the present, I have been as high as ever. I just love myself, not in a self-boasting way, but in a happy way.

And believe you me, the addiction of happiness is way more than that of drugs. Once you have experienced the joy of being a happy man, it’s impossible to go back to your demotivating monotonous life.

Start living in the present. Start getting high on happiness.

Ode to Failure

It might be possible that I fail,
But O Failure, I’m not afraid of you.
For those who have come across you,
Know that there’s no way to Success before greeting you.
Taught you have to them – how to be courageous,
Not to loose faith in their dreams.
And rugged they have become,
Following the tests of your endurance.

And so is what I wish.
Whenever I get a chance to meet you,
Turn me into a warrior and not a loser.

The Lady By The Roadside Counter

Deep down the slender lane, standing behind a food counter is a beautiful young lady selling happYness. “HappYness”, shes says, “take it from me, for I’m selling it for free. Once and for all, here it is, for free! Come see the world, come see the light, for happYness it is that will make you feel bright. HappYness for free!”

Looking at her serene face and the joy of her smile, I just couldn’t realize if its for happYness or her eyes that I stood in the middle of the street – mesmerized. HappYness, is it a foreign dish or a desi-mix, the foodie in me started to think.

Her stall was small, it stood firmly near the big giant mall. The crowd started to gather. None in the mortals had known what happYness tastes like, for so busy they had been in the mighty struggles of life, that they forgot to rejoice the small moments of delight.

“What is this dish?”, murmured a voice from behind, “never have I heard of it in my lifetime”.

“Its something delightful, something unique, the taste of which is an evergreen bliss. Try it for once sir, eat it for free, and I assure you, your life will be on a joy spree”, said the melodious voice from behind the counter, “Come see the world, come see the light, for happYness it is that will make you feel bright. HappYness for free!”

“Two takeaways for me.”
“Pack one for me.”

“Parcel? Sorry sir, we don’t parcel happYness. Its available only on have-it basis.”

“Too busy I am to stop by your shop, even if its for free, I can’t waste the time on my clock. Engaged I’m in the meetings so exhausting, there is no time for me to keep waiting.”

“Busy you’re in the doldrums of your life, you don’t even have time for some respite?”, she smiled, “Who are you kidding, who are you fooling, is this what you call living?”

“I don’t have any free time, Oh lady by the roadside. I will have happYness some other day, when I am in a better mood, and willing to stay”

“Who are you mocking, Oh dear mortal, for that day might just not come. Old you have gown, lost you have, all your shine. Don’t rust this soul of yours, at-least  let it rejoice in the bright sunshine.”

Adamant he was, as adamant he had been, so couldn’t resist but to “move-on” with life. He left his cup of happYness and the jar of joy on the roadside stall of the deep slender road, which he pledged never again to tread.

Misery struck. Agony struck. And struck the big boost of Ego. The man who once passed by the roadside stall, lost his way to the stall by the big giant mall.

Sadness came. Loneliness came. And with them came the mighty Death. They chained him, tortured him, and took him by his throat. He laid there, suffered there, and cried in despair.

“HappYness”, he cried, “where art thou? Help me, for I’ve become a slave of misery”

HappYness lay in front of him. He tried grasping it. He tried chasing it. He tried to come near, but something inside him shook him in fear. It was the fear of being happY and the fear of feeling good. Crushed he was by their burden, but he decided not to give up.

“Fight! Fight!” He fought with himself. He fought hard. Fought hard for the freedom from misery and worry.

And finally won!

HappYness was his for the taking.

[ This post is dedicated to the lady who sells Chinese dishes on a small roadside counter at Ramphal Chownk, Dwarka, New Delhi. Everyday when I pass by her stall, I see a glow of happiness on her face. It radiates joy. Every time it makes me smile, makes me feel happy. To her, I would like to say, “Thank You for making me happy”]

We Love!

We Love. We love not because we are wired to love and beloved. We love because we as humans have an innate understanding that any gainful venture involves certain amount of risk.
Here’s one of my favorite scenes from the movie Good Will Hunting that makes this understanding clear.

Will: So, when did you know, like, that she was the one for you?

Sean: October 21st, 1975.

Will: Jesus Christ. You know the f-ckin’ date?

Sean: Oh yeah. ‘Cause it was game six of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history.

Will: Yeah, sure.

Sean: My friends and I had, you know, slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets.

Will: You got tickets?

Sean:Yep. Day of the game. I was sittin’ in a bar, waitin’ for the game to start, and in walks this girl.

Robin Williams then proceeds to describe in glorious living detail the play-by-play of game six, to which Will responds:

Will: I can’t f-ckin’ believe you had tickets to that f-ckin’ game!

Sean: Yeah!

Will: Did you rush the field?

Sean: No, I didn’t rush the f-ckin’ field, I wasn’t there.

Will: WHAT?

Sean: No — I was in a bar havin’ a drink with my future wife.

Will: You missed Pudge Fisk’s home run?

Sean: Oh yeah.

Will: To have a f-ckin’ drink with some lady you never met?

Sean: Yeah, but you shoulda seen her. She was a stunner.

Will: I don’t care if Helen of Troy walks in the room, that’s game six!  Oh my God, and who are these f-ckin’ friends of yours they let you get away with that?

Sean: Oh, they had to.

Will: What did you say to them?

Sean: I just slid my ticket across the table and I said, “Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.”

Will: I gotta go see about a girl?

Sean: Yeah.

Will: That’s what you said? And they let you get away with that?

Sean: Oh yeah. They saw in my eyes that I meant it.

Will: You’re kiddin’ me.

Sean: No, I’m not kiddin’ you, Will. That’s why I’m not talkin’ right now about some girl I saw at a bar 20 years ago and how I always regretted not going over and talking to her. I don’t regret the 18 years I was married to Nancy. I don’t regret the six years I had to give up counseling when she got sick. And I don’t regret the last years when she got really sick. And I sure as hell don’t regret missin’ the damn game.

Will I Remember How To Love You

Thought Catalog

When I finally meet you, will I remember how to love you? I think, somewhere in the last–what is it now? Almost 4 years?–of being mostly alone, or at least not in love, maybe I forgot what you’re supposed to do when you are in love. For instance, will I remember how to pull my limbs in from my nightly spread eagle in bed, and not hate you for taking up half the space that has, for so long, been mine, ALL MINE, GOD DAMNIT?

Will I remember how to lie awake on Sunday morning while you sleep, counting the freckles that pepper your back? Will I remember how to care about all the boring, stupid minutiae of your job, and I don’t mean just pretend to care, but actually, genuinely give a shit when you call me up to tell me how your boss did so and so and…

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Ridiculed conversations – You still a Virgin?

ShuShi and AeJ are sophomore students in an engineering college. ShuShi is studying Biotechnology and AeJ is pursuing Computer Science. The two became friends during campus fest. Take a look at their interesting conversations as they go on to become best of friends or maybe… Well watch out!

 

ShuShi – Hey! What’s up? 🙂

AeJ – Was planning to lose my virginity! Wanna help? 😉


ShuShi
 – Oo la la! Someone’s still clinging to the big V! 😛

 


AeJ
 – Oh Yeah? You pity me? Why not give me a hand then?


ShuShi
 – Perhaps I would, had you got some abs. 😛 Gym out for 2 months baby boy, and I’ll get you the velvet touch. 😉

AeJ – Velvet touch? What’s that?  And hey, I already have 2 pack abs! 😛 😛

ShuShi – Poor chap! Haven’t you heard, “Once you get to feel the velvet deep inside, the touch of your hands is rendered useless”? 😛

AeJ – Oh! Well, in that case haven’t you heard, “Once a girl rides the rude boy, the plastics aren’t pleasure anymore”?

ShuShi – Lol! I’ve experienced that. It’s you who’s on the other side of the story. 😛

AeJ – (…writing something)

ShuShi – Taking too much time to write..? By the way, when do you plan to lose it? You’re already 19. Hahahaha! 😛 😛

AeJ – Ohio! I take too much time for everything, for the pleasure is loooong lasting 😉

ShuShi – Long lasting? Hahaha! How much? 3 mins at max? lol! 😛

AeJ – Lol! Are you talking about your boy-friend? Oh girl, I sympathize with you! May God bless him to endure the heat and pressure! Lol! Is he a nerd? 😛

ShuShi – Huh! He lasts longer than most of the other guys.

AeJ – Oh! I didn’t know you had so much experience. Perhaps, teacher, guide me for my first time.

ShuShi – Get a girlfriend AeJ, you are so desperate!

AeJ – Look who’s talking? Ahem Ahem!

ShuShi – (no reply)

AeJ – There? I’ll be waiting for your tips. Meet me in college. 😛

ShuShi – (chat disconnected)

The Great Indian Tamasha

Boom! Boom! Pow!

With Diwali celebrations still at bay (and Black Eyed Peas having no intentions to Phunk with Indian hearts), I wondered what it might be?

The slender street in front my courtyard was clogged with gala-heads, running wild.

The procession was led by a group of very “talented” dancers, tapping their feet to the tunes of “Tunak Tunak Tun Da Da Da” (Never heard of it? Congratulations! You saved your ears a soulful bashing), with bhangra moves perfected to the last drop of Patiala peg.

A faithful start to a lazy Sunday!

The Khan movies may flop at the Box Office, but the “Great Indian Tamasha” never fails to enthrall crowds. (And you wondered why Big Boss had the highest TRP ratings? Jaago Grahak Jaago!)

Gripped by what might be called as “Shor in the Street”, I hurried out to the front balcony of my house, desiring to capture the perfect view of the silver-screen.

The dance honchos, doped as they were, in the rhythmic beats of the dhol, raised their hands to shed out some moolah. Meandering around them were the slumdogs, dipping their hands in the cash rich concrete lakes of the street, aspiring to be the next millionaires; shouting “Jai Ho!” (You listening, Danny Boyle?)

But wait! There’s something more to this Choupati. There’s a Pirate in the Arabian Sea.

The Bharitya Janta Party MP from the state could be seen kicking around the cattle-class, trying to lay his feet on the red carpet.

He proclaimed of being victorious in the Legislative Assembly polls; “treasuring” yet another term of VVIP treatment. Following the minister was the lok sabha of his chelas, glorifying their guru as the best in the Ayodhya.

The “Badmaash Company” could be seen shouting slogans and raising banners. “Plop, plop, fizz, fiz, Oh what a relief it is!” read one.

“When you have got it, you flaunt it”, shouted the minister, “Victory!”, as his caravan passed by my house, gushing into the neighborhood tributaries.

***

Stand. Rise. Oscar! The Jack Sparrow of our story makes his entry.

Just as the caravan was about to reach its first milestone, it hit the “Growler” (For those of you like me, its name of the iceberg that sunk the Titanic).

Aivyn Kejribal of India Against Politicians (a well “proclaimed” common man) sat in the middle of the street, meditating. Supporting him in his “agitation for meditation” was a group of Topi Masters (renowned fashion gurus, as was captioned on their caps – Mai Trend Setter Hun).

“Plop, plop, fizz, fiz, Oh What the F**k this is!” said the pirate.  (If you don’t read “WTF” thing, it’s because  editor is too decent to allow it. Social etiquette gentlemen!)

Tu to Aivyn Aivyn Aivyn lut gaya..“, mocked Captain Jack Sparrow, as he flew high to deck onto the minister’s caravan, shitting all around the ship.

The Bharitya Janta Party MP, expecting to taste the “Barfi!” on this “auspicious day”, found himself hemmed in the sweet smell of the cattle-class junk.

Holy mother of God! Are we witnessing “The Dirty Picture” here?

“Wait! Wait! Mom! Mom! I qualify the PG 18 restriction. Let me watch the complete movie…Please!”

Phew! Moms.

***

Just as we reach the climax of the movie, what do I see?

Kejribal and the minister enacting the ‘I’m King of the World’ scene from “Titanic” while clicking photos of themselves (“Oh My God!” These celebrities! I wonder how many mood swings they get in a month).

Mr. Karan Johar, you watching sir? We have a Dostana 2 in the making.

The combined caravan of the minister and Aivyn Kejriwal now headed to other streets.

(And they lived happily ever after…)

(Kidding!)

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